Be Generous With Your Spouse

     As the boys came in from the snow, they threw their coats down in the laundry room and sprinted off into the house yelling, "I'm going to be a Storm Trooper!" - a concept they just learned the previous night from their first viewing of "Star Wars."  As they ran away my wife said, "I wish my mom was here to do the snow things." "Why," I asked?  "Because when we were growing up," she continued as she picked up the boys damp coats and hung them on the drying rack, "my mom made the hot chocolate and put away the coats and all the things I don't feel like doing right now.  I guess she didn't feel like doing them then, either."  As she began to warm the milk on the stove, I pulled her into a big hug and told her, "I think you are a great mom and a wonderful wife."  Then we gave each other a little smooch.
     I did that because I know that from time to time my wife appreciates words of encouragement.  She has told me she appreciates them and I've seen how much they mean to her over the course of our ten year marriage.  I would do well to continue to keep encouraging her and giving her what she needs, just as Solomon met the needs of his wife in "Song of Solomon."
     Song of Solomon is an oft neglected book.  With its sensual language and repeated mention of "breasts" many Christians shy away from its study and preaching.  But as 2 Timothy 3:16-17 states, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."  So rather than shy away from its sensual tenor, we should be embracing the wisdom this book offers for Christian marriage.  
     One thing the book teaches us is to be generous in meeting our spouses desires, both sexual and relational.  Notice how Solomon bolsters his wife's esteem.  As she first describes herself she says in verse 1:5-6: 
I am very dark, but lovely,
    O daughters of Jerusalem,
like the tents of Kedar,
    like the curtains of Solomon.
 Do not gaze at me because I am dark,
    because the sun has looked upon me.
My mother's sons were angry with me;
    they made me keeper of the vineyards,
    but my own vineyard I have not kept.

     We learn several things about her.  Her skin is dark because her brothers have made her work in the vineyard where the sun beats down on her. Also, she is poor because she has not been allowed to have her own vineyard.  Influential ladies of that day were not expected to work in the fields, so a fair complexion was as standard of beauty.  And while she knows her worth, she worries that her husband, the king, will dislike her dark skin and poor social status.  In response Solomon repeatedly showers her with complements and affection; as in this passage from chapter 4:1-5:


Behold, you are beautiful, my love,
    behold, you are beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
    behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
    leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
    that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
    and not one among them has lost its young.
Your lips are like a scarlet thread,
    and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
    behind your veil.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
    built in rows of stone;
on it hang a thousand shields,
    all of them shields of warriors.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
    twins of a gazelle,
    that graze among the lilies.

     While we cannot delve into the historical significance of this similes, you can tell that he is attracted to her and lets her know it!  Does this mean you need to go to your spouse and tell her that her hair looks like a flock of goats?  Probably not, but it does mean that you need to be attentive to the needs of your spouse. 5lovelanguages.com is a website that can guide you in figuring out both you and your spouse's love language.  That way you can better meet each others' needs. But do not just choose a love language and start "speaking" it to your spouse.  Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church and seek to meet HER needs.  Wives, respect your husbands and determine what HIS needs are.  And pray for each other that God will focus your desires on each other so that you can say, as the Song of Solomon says, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."